Yo-Yo's and Cow Demons

"The power you wield is that of ... JUSTICE!"

So begins Sukeban Deka 2: Counter-attack of the Kazama Sisters. In this one Sukaban Deka III (they're all conveniently numbered so you don't get them confused) has to stick it to the man. Apparently, the law is too lawful and she must take her stand for lawful lawlessness. Or something. They do stuff like, you know, kill you for truancy. Or selling nuclear weapons in school. I'm particularly satisfied that truancy and nuclear proliferation warrant the same punishment. Basically, its a touching story of when good yo-yo carrying school police forces go bad and must be stopped ... AT ALL COSTS!

The kickin' 80's soundtrack is back for this one but this time it's supplemented with music composed by the guy that did The People's Court or maybe the undergound levels in Super Mario Bros. You can also tell this is a sequel because it really ups the ante on excitement. Like adding blades to the Yo-Yo's making them Scythes of Death (I'm copywriting that). And dressing all the good bad guys ...er...bad good guys (whatever) as the Foot Clan.

So anyhow, unfortunately for the bad guys, when the Yo-Yo wielding Nazi youth kill the Kazama sisters mentor Mr. Yoda (no, really) it's time for Yuma and Yuki to join Yui and spring into action. That's Sukaban Deka I, II, and III for those keeping count.

"They're just little kids (!) ... why are you being so merciless with those yo-yo's!?!? - Sukaban Deka III (Yui Kazuma)

Why indeed?

I give this movie 17 blazing Filipino Yo-Yo's! The killing kind.

Now it's Takashi Time!

So, I can't believe I've never reviewed the solid gold that was Takashi Miike's Gozu.

In typical Miike fashion this movie is fraked. It's all about a dude that has a hit put on him by his own people because he's gone crazy and believes specially trained puppies and sedans are out to kill him. He ends up dead (I won't actually ruin the plot for you with the hows and whys) and lost when his buddy (who's sent to kill him) loses his corpse from the back seat of his mustang when he stops in a cafe for a drink. Not confused yet? Well hang on a tic. So his buddy starts looking for him everywhere, including an inn with a lactating inn keeper who bottles her boobie milk for sale and gets visited by ...

Yes, a cow demon. So eventually buddy boy finds a chick who claims to be his long lost boss (the corpse). He has sex with her (cause who wouldn't) and gets his penis stuck in her. Well, it turns out something grabbed it...

And then comes the best birth scene since Knocked Up...

Yep, thats his lost boss man. Oh, he was IN the lady...duh!

And they all joined hands and skipped to a freeze frame...really.

I can't say anything witty to that. How could you. I'm also forgoing a rating. It's Takashi Miike. Either you rushed to buy it the second I said Miike or your shut off your computer.