Mediocre Mediocrity with Duncan Kane!

When the best, most interesting, most full of feeling character in a movie is Duncan Kane you know you're in for a real experience. Not necessarily a good experience, but an experience. Really, I was moved during every minute that both 'ol Duncan and Diane Lane was on the big screen, but when their scenes were over I still had 1 hour and 40 minutes to kill. What movie am I speaking of? Why Hayden Christensen's latest masterpiece of course:

Have you ever noticed that Hayden Christensen is a poor man's Ryan Phillipe? And that's saying something because Ryan is pretty poor. I mean, he is the dude that starred in Little Boy Blue where his dad forced him to have sex with his mom while daddy recorded it for his own pleasure. Wow, that was such a feel good movie. But Ryan Phillipe went on to marry Reece Whiterspoon and star as Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars so he ended up doing okay for himself. Meanwhile, Hayden stars in straight to DVD films like Chaos. Wait, I got that backwards? See what I mean? Well, all I know is one of them got to make out with Sarah Michelle Gellar which was also his sister so ... DOUBLE HOT!

Where was I? That's right - Jumper. 

So it did have Samuel L. Jackson. But it was Samuel L. Jackson with very bad hair. And nowhere in the movie did he say, "I want these Mother F*ckin Jumpers off my Mother F*ckin Egyptian Sphinx!" I was really counting on that. 

So I give this movie 2 Little Boy Blues. Just be greatfull we're all still alive. I mean any movie Samuel L. Jackson can't save just by showing up could (and should) have created a doomsday like vortex of doom that would have engulfed us all ... in DOOM! Seriously, the man can save anything.

Look at Star Wars I-III.