Now that that's out of the way...
So last night I watched:
What? You mean that's not Stephen King's The Myst? Well, I dare you to find me a picture of the Movie Poster or even the DVD Box Art. No really, it doesn't exist! I typed The Myst into Google Images 58 different ways and all I got was the damn game. Didn't that game premiere on the Commodore 64? Anyhow, the movie was fantaboulos! Now, if you want to spend $8 extra, you can see the director's true vision for the film, but apparently the director's eyesight sucks cause that "vision" is black and white. I don't need to spend $8 to get my technicolor removed from my celluloid. But I digress...
This movie was amazing for many reasons, one of which is IT'S A STEPHEN KING MOVIE!
Let's take a moment to reflect on that.
Maximum Overdrive - Aliens cause lawnmowers, an electric turkey carver and a bunch of frakin' 18 wheelers to KILL!
Oh, and they also cause a Coke machine at a little league game to...KILL! Better yet, it accomplishes this task by shooting cans at some dudes balls!
But, it does have an entire soundtrack performed by AC/DC. (Mac really needs to invent a lightning bolt key) so ultimately I give the movie an F but the soundtrack a WE SALUTE YOU!
Next let us examine Dreamcatcher.
Well, we have aliens to blame again but its the director commentary that takes this one to new levels of suckatude. The guy actually says that during one not-really-famous-cause-the-movie-sucked-scene, he wanted "to do for toilets what Psycho did for showers." Take a moment to soak that in. I don't want anybody doing to toilets what Psycho did for showers. You know what Psycho did to the shower industry? It forced them to make see-through showers and shower curtains. Do you really want see-through toilets?! You go into the bathroom to brush your teeth and you glance over to your significant other to see BAM! a clear bowl full of poo!
Fun!
But I digress again...
The Myst-The movie was classy, you know that old school Alfred Hitchcock Presents/Twilight Zone classy. One of those rare movies that has it's monster scare moments but dives deeper under the surface and makes us even more scared of the human monster. Wow, that was deep. Ultimately I give it 15 full Myst CD's, which ironically is how many discs it took to install the damn game in the first place. (All ratings based on 0-10 Myst CD's)
Oh, and the next morning I woke up to this:
I was pretty sure I was dead.
Oh yeah - Stop-Loss is sucking it up like a Town and Country burrito at the box office! How do the EverQuest kids say (?), "WOOT!"
P.S. Maximum Overdrive had Emilio Estevez and was actually pretty good. But, I'm using good in it's original meaning which was "pudding."
UPDATE TO THIS BREAKING NEWS: So Crystalkei from such esteemed blogs like Inside a TV Addict's Mind made an interesting point. Only hippies and bad game developers apparently spell the paranormal gaseous cloud of water vapor M-Y-S-T. Stephen King and scientists apparently spell it M-I-S-T. I'm including this to uphold my outstanding journalistic integrity but I refuse to personally accept it because then I couldn't work in my Commodore 64 joke and we all know how rare those are. They're like Kelvin jokes - they only come around so often. Also I would feel stupid. So, the movie I watched was the French Director's Cut Le Myst.
2 comments:
sweetie, you're such a genius. But, Stephen King's The Mist is spelled with an 'i' not a 'y' hence the lack of images besides the bad game.
Bad game? I disagree!!! I played the entire game in one day with my grandma (I know what your thinking..."your grandma? Proves my point", but not so - my grandma is very cool). All the clues you had to find all over the island -- the crazy brothers trapped in a book...yeah - great stuff.
Post a Comment