The glass ceiling has been shattered. And I'm not talking about the inauguration of Obama (I rate that 1 Vienna Sausage)
For those of you that follow my blog religiously, and are probably a little annoyed I've neglected you for Buffy and Angel marathons lately, you know that the ultimate score in the universe on the "awesome scale" is one million hotdogs. Some movies are close. The Machine Girl was one if you recall. As was Doomsday. I only mention this to establish the caliber of movie we're dealing with here. Well, everything I know has been tossed out the window. I can't even trust science and math as a universal constant because a hot dog scale currently has no meaning to me. I feel hollow on the inside. And yet, strangely warm and squishy. What movie caused this you ask? Brace yourself...
SHPADOINKLE!!! What does it take to make such a pedigree? Only the producers of The Machine Girl, Death Trance and Flesh for the Beast and staring crazy creepy girl from Takashi Miike's masterpiece Audition.
Word's cannot describe this movie, but neither can pictures. I was going to try to upload some of my favorite scenes, until I realized I would probably be banned from blogspot, have the FBI raid my house Hackers style, take my kid and computer away, and have me spend the rest of my life at Guantanamo Bay. So I will give you this, the dullest scene from the movie.
Word's cannot describe this movie, but neither can pictures. I was going to try to upload some of my favorite scenes, until I realized I would probably be banned from blogspot, have the FBI raid my house Hackers style, take my kid and computer away, and have me spend the rest of my life at Guantanamo Bay. So I will give you this, the dullest scene from the movie.
Soak that picture in. This is from the very beginning, after a routine battle against a dude that had his arm chopped off and grew a chainsaw arm only to have that one chopped off in a chainsaw duel. Nine minutes into the 2 hour movie the Title Screen rolls by. By that point I had already seen more violence than in Troma's entire library of films combined.
Where The Machine Girl was cult-camp with a splattering of gore, this movie was a serious horror-fest. A privatized and corrupt police force/government. An anarchy driven serial killer. Strippers with mouths in their breasts and killers with Penis cannons. Wait...um...
Not that it took itself too seriously. The in-movie Starship Trooper-esque commercials (with a cute typical Asian twist that's all too realistic) for police recruiting, "cute" razor blades for school girls that want to cut themselves (you have to stay fashionable..."now in pink!" "Hello Kitty!") and families playing a wii torture game together were HI-larious!
I honestly don't know how to rate this masterpiece. This movie made Takashi Miike's own Vistor Q look like an afterschool special and that movie opened with the famous line "Have you ever done it with your Dad?" and featured a lactating mom flooding the kitchen with her over active mammaries. This movie goes WAY beyond that.
I honestly don't want to ruin anything. Just buy it. Watch it. Love it.
Unfortuantely, the rating system is now broken until I pull myself together.
Ok, fine, I'll leave you with one more picture...
No...I can't. I tried. But I can't. I will leave you with this I found though...
Where The Machine Girl was cult-camp with a splattering of gore, this movie was a serious horror-fest. A privatized and corrupt police force/government. An anarchy driven serial killer. Strippers with mouths in their breasts and killers with Penis cannons. Wait...um...
Not that it took itself too seriously. The in-movie Starship Trooper-esque commercials (with a cute typical Asian twist that's all too realistic) for police recruiting, "cute" razor blades for school girls that want to cut themselves (you have to stay fashionable..."now in pink!" "Hello Kitty!") and families playing a wii torture game together were HI-larious!
I honestly don't know how to rate this masterpiece. This movie made Takashi Miike's own Vistor Q look like an afterschool special and that movie opened with the famous line "Have you ever done it with your Dad?" and featured a lactating mom flooding the kitchen with her over active mammaries. This movie goes WAY beyond that.
I honestly don't want to ruin anything. Just buy it. Watch it. Love it.
Unfortuantely, the rating system is now broken until I pull myself together.
Ok, fine, I'll leave you with one more picture...
No...I can't. I tried. But I can't. I will leave you with this I found though...
A SEQUEL IS COMING TO MACHINE GIRL!!!
2 comments:
YAY!! He's back!!! I thought for a minute it was going to be all Buffy, angel and High School Musical from here on out.
I am soooo checking out this movie now! Btw...you're Blog is awesome.
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