Place Holder Title (Cause I'm just not that creative)

I'm sure some of you think I've abandoned my blog. The rest of you probably think I just haven't watched any movies. Neither is true. 

The problem is I just haven't seen any bad movies. How does a guy write a blog about awesomly bad movies when the worst movie I've seen recently is Watchmen? Besides the obvious giant blue penis jokes (obvious = boring) the movie wasn't bad. Star Trek was actually face melting - so no fun there. The biggest hope I had for fodder was Twilight which I finally saw ... Twice (don't ask). 

However, even though it seemed an easy target with its crap vampire "lore" (insert snickering) and strange romantic theory that gagging at the site of a girl and sneaking in her room at night to masturbate while she sleep's is romantic, it had one secret weapon of awesomeness up its sleeve. 

Alice.

Sweet, sweet Alice.

Sweet, sweet Alice in a baseball uniform.

Nope. Can't say anything negative here.

Only thing possibly more awesome than Alice is a duology (because trilogy's are sooo 1999) I pulled out of my library to finally watch today. 

Night Watch and Day Watch. 

Warning for all you stupid American's out there: These movies are Russian. Which means GASP! subtitles. Do yourself a favor and watch them with subtitles. Night Watch especially - the subtitles are their own special effect. 

Anywho...

These movies are Fan-Frakin-Tastic. You'll love them. Your woman friend will love them. Your pets will love them. So if they're so Fraktastic why is it you never heard of them? 

Russian...hello?! American's can't handle a smart movie from farther away than California. It has to be remade first. Take Quarantine (oh yeah, I just watched that too. Good flick. Easy 72 out of 56.) It was a remake of a Spanish film...only one year old! 

American Mentality: 

History Channel: "We are going to restore this building to the way it looked over 50 years ago."

American People: "NO. IMPOSSIBLE! PEOPLE WERN'T ALIVE THEN!!!"

(Heavily plagiarized in part from Eddie Izzard the greatest man alive.)

What was I saying? Oh, Night/Day Watch. Right. Greatest take on Vampire lore ... EVER. Better than Buffy. Better than True Blood. Better than (snicker) Twilight (snicker). Mmmmm...Alice.

I give the duo 54 Lemon Chu-hi's.

I give her 1 trapezillion.