Mediocre Mediocrity with Duncan Kane!

When the best, most interesting, most full of feeling character in a movie is Duncan Kane you know you're in for a real experience. Not necessarily a good experience, but an experience. Really, I was moved during every minute that both 'ol Duncan and Diane Lane was on the big screen, but when their scenes were over I still had 1 hour and 40 minutes to kill. What movie am I speaking of? Why Hayden Christensen's latest masterpiece of course:

Have you ever noticed that Hayden Christensen is a poor man's Ryan Phillipe? And that's saying something because Ryan is pretty poor. I mean, he is the dude that starred in Little Boy Blue where his dad forced him to have sex with his mom while daddy recorded it for his own pleasure. Wow, that was such a feel good movie. But Ryan Phillipe went on to marry Reece Whiterspoon and star as Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars so he ended up doing okay for himself. Meanwhile, Hayden stars in straight to DVD films like Chaos. Wait, I got that backwards? See what I mean? Well, all I know is one of them got to make out with Sarah Michelle Gellar which was also his sister so ... DOUBLE HOT!

Where was I? That's right - Jumper. 

So it did have Samuel L. Jackson. But it was Samuel L. Jackson with very bad hair. And nowhere in the movie did he say, "I want these Mother F*ckin Jumpers off my Mother F*ckin Egyptian Sphinx!" I was really counting on that. 

So I give this movie 2 Little Boy Blues. Just be greatfull we're all still alive. I mean any movie Samuel L. Jackson can't save just by showing up could (and should) have created a doomsday like vortex of doom that would have engulfed us all ... in DOOM! Seriously, the man can save anything.

Look at Star Wars I-III.

Irony is so Ironic. Or is it just really bad luck, Alanis?

So I just got done spending my $3.50 at the best cinemaplex your tax dollars can buy on a Cherry Coke, 5 gallon barrel of popcorn and this:

I have to wonder if I should even be posting a blog about a movie that tries to preach the sins of posting blogs ... well viral videos to be exact. Although, now that I say that I'm beginning to understand where the killer is coming from. Who hasn't wanted to bust a cap in Mr. Chocolate Rain's ass? 

I was pleasantly surprised by this Saw lite flick. Probably because I wasn't expecting much, but then again anytime you start a movie with a kittie death you know you're in for something sick, twisted ... and incredibly lame? Who kills a cat in a torture porn? On one hand it is something Saw and Hostel has never tried. Then again, who would want to try that? Can you see Jigsaw dangling Meow Mix in front of some siamese cat tied to a chain saw and saying, "Here kittie kittie! Would you like to play a game?"

On the plus side, Colin Hanks makes a great morse code winking skeleton and the political statement that Youtube and 2 Girls 1 cup are the devil is much appreciated. 

I give it 6 Girls 4 Cups baby!

Now is the time for a new little segment I like to call Quick Tidbits. (Okay, fortunately that is not going to be the real name of this section cause that would suck) Ooohh, Ooohh, how about Unfinished Thoughts?

I watched Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick this weekend. Has anybody ever noticed Vin Diesel laughs like a horn. HHHHA! Seriously, HHHHA! I'm pretty sure Alf trademarked that.

Also, The Chronicles of Riddick is awesome and is the best Star Wars film in the new series. In case you don't know, it goes right between episode VI and episode I when you watch them in order.

Finished watching the Lethal Weapon series finally. Mel Gibson movies get better the shorter his hair gets.